i have issues

yes, its true. sometimes i am just so sick of being here and thinking the same thoughts and doing the same things, and i am SO thankful that it does not end here. in fact it never ends, but that's beside the point. i am TIREd of being dissatisfied with myself, of trying to please people, of putting up with crap, (and of having no money, but that is also beside the point). i may not deal with it anymore. i am really not that nice of a person inside, but nobody knows except me cuz i know what i think. but i really do think that it might be time to stop thinking, and start doing/saying. as for myself, hmmmmm. honestly, you'd think not really liking yourself would be motivation enough to change, but we are just wierd beings ya know? where can you find the right motivation? like open the right box and off you'll go. i wish. you know what it is though, and i've just thought of this this moment, is i need more Jesus. AND i need to see/talk to my friends. i miss you guys.