clearing my jumbled mind

i gotta say, there is going to have to be more for me to do around here; i don't do well with boredom. (or punctuation, but who cares). it seems like mondays are getting harder and harder to deal with. on one hand, i love my job, but i'm starting to think that i only love it as far as if-i-must-have-a-job. i would honestly much rather be at home, straightening, organizing, cleaning, just getting things done in general. annnnnnnd i don't care if i'm a housewife for the rest of my life. i had a thought yesterday that we are probably going to want to build a house before we have kids...which forces me to think about when i'd want to have those. i've always thought late twenties, but that means we have to build in the next 5-ish years, which is a lofty albeit not impossible dream, but it will take discipline. we're getting better, but we're not perfect. i just love my shopping! and it's far too easy to blur the line between need and want. i want to focus my energies on being outside, exercising naturally, baking, cooking, reading, collecting music...yeah. i finally did devotions for the first time in years yesterday, i don't have anything to follow, so i just read the chapter that contains my favorite verse: Phil 2:13 "For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him." My favorite because when i feel like all the things i'm supposed to do to be like Jesus are just too impossible, i am reminded that it's not on my own strength (thank God). Anyways, another verse stuck out to me that i've got highlighted and everything: V.4 "Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too." i have definitely been having issues with self-centeredness, but i think i've been getting better. but i have noticed that i don't get a chance to talk about myself with anyone really, i'm always asking about them and how they're doing. honestly, most of the people i know either don't take much of an interest in others, or they pick and choose people to take an interest in. i want someone to ask about my day and how i feel about this or that; genuinely care. which leads all the way down to just wanting to feel loved. not just be loved, feel loved. and we shouldn't have to cry out for that. like dan said in church last sunday: if we are really christians, all the food cupboards in winkler should be full to overflowing. likewise, everyone around us should feel loved. another one of those impossible tasks, but then i remember my favorite verse.