i am so bored, i must blog.
it seems every sunday in church, the message i get is "be a better person" (put VERY simply). aren't we always trying to better ourselves? isn't that the subliminal goal we're always striving for? orrrrrr is it one of those things we sort of think about sometimes, but we don't do anything about. now i'm curious, am i actually doing anything to be a better person? since sunday i've tried not to speed (don't bother arguing with me about who cares about speed limits), and i've thought a little more about loving others and seeing them the way Jesus does (HARD for me), but there again, i've only thought about it. but it's hard to start being a better person if you don't know what that looks like. for example, there's this college and career bible study our church has, when it started i considered going, but now that i know some of the people that go...i don't really want to be sharing my thoughts and feelings with (for lack of a better word) "uncool" people - i know it's so high school, but really, honestly, that's what i think. Jesus was friends with everyone, why is that so hard for me? I believe i care less now about what people think of me, but apparently i still care enough that it guides my actions and thoughts. So what happens is i get frustrated with this area of being better, and i stick with what i'm good at: giving, encouraging. Hey, i can give a kind word to anyone, whether i like them or not. I can put the encouragement note in the mailbox and mean it. I am currently (honestly) unwilling, however, to take a relationship further if they're not "my" kind of people. I don't want to be spending my time with people i have no interest in. This is SUCH an un-Christian attitude that it disgusts me, and i don't know how to change my attitude until i remember - Jesus is the one that changes you. Which would be a great breakthrough, but that involves spending time with Him, and not just me speaking and Him listening. So this is where the stand-still is. i even have a plan and time set aside to fix this...but i have yet to start.