the usual pain and suffering

i just have to get this off my chest cuz it's there everyday. i can't help it but i think about Britt everyday and it just tears me apart. just the thought of her and everything that happened just flashes through my mind like how i found out and the funeral and everything and then just knowing that someone i love and probably the most undeserving person has died. it just hurts so deeply and i have to control myself so i don't just break down wherever and whenever. nothing has ever evoked emotion in me as quickly as this does. i planned to visit her grave ever since i came home but i just don't know when to go and it's like i'm putting it off but i just don't know what will happen and how it will affect me and it just sits on my heart and hurts. i saw her mom in superstore and i almost cried it was horrible. death is stupid and i hate it.