The Last Station

In browsing old entries, I came across a list of movies I wanted to watch, and have finally watched 'The Last Station' within the last few days. I enjoyed it. It centres around a Tolstoyan who's hired to be Leo's personal secretary, the commune near Tolstoy's estate, and Tolstoy's relationship with his wife. I found it very interesting because many people revered Tolstoy like a god, but the movie shows him as a normal human being.

There is a little bit of nudity (boobs), definitely not a family movie, but if you're interested in learning a bit about who Tolstoy was, I'd recommend it!

Life today

Forgive me reader(s?) for I have slacked...it has been more than one year since my last blog post. I have been a little busy since last October, mostly with growing and delivering a human being! Nora Ellice was born on July 24th and life has been verrrrry different since that day.

I don't feel like giving backstory, since those of you who read this know me, so I'm just going to jump into life today.

Appropriately, she's just waking up from her nap so I will continue this later :P

life without fear

Click for original blog link - ElizabethEsther.com

*Nope, i'm still not writing my own words. Instead, regurgitating things other people say that make me think. The original post is "Mothering without fear", but i am not a mother, and this post totally relates to life in general*

When Jesus shows up on the morning after our biggest failure, He doesn’t judge, scold or say: “I told you so.” Instead, he cooks some food for us. And then he says, “Come eat breakfast.”

It’s been a terrible week. Peter has denied Jesus three times. Judas has hung himself. Jesus is dead. And now, the one thing they know how to do–fishing–isn’t even working. They’ve fished all night and caught nothing (St. John 21).

But it’s morning now, a new day. And from the shore, some crazy dude is calling at them to let down their nets on the right side of the boat. It’s a deja-vu moment. Just a couple years ago, they’d spent a similar night fishing without success. And when Jesus told them to let down their nets, Peter was like: “Yeah, we did that already.” But they did it anyway and their nets started breaking, their boat sinking with how many fish they pulled in.

Could this be happening again? So, they let down their nets and yes, the haul is huge. John, the little disciple–the only one who didn’t abandon Jesus when He was dying–is the first to recognize Jesus.

He nudges Peter, “It’s the Lord.”

Peter is just so in it he doesn’t even realize what’s going on. He’s so enmeshed in the nets, grappling with the details of what needs to be done that he needs John to point out the bigger picture: “It’s the Lord.”

Peter’s like: “WHAT?!” He looks up and squints toward shore. That’s when it all hits him. It’s Jesus. It’s Jesus. Jesus is ALIVE? That means it’s ALL true! Everything is NOT lost!

And I love Peter, here. He’s stripped naked for work. He’s way out on this boat. But that doesn’t stop him. Peter just totally bails off the side of the boat and thrashes for shore. “It’s the Lord! It’s the Lord!”

You’d think Peter would stay on the boat, all ashamed. You’d think he’d be the last one off the boat to greet Jesus. You’d think that after his big, public humiliation, Peter would just keep to himself and tone it down a bit. But he doesn’t. Peter is so human. Peter knew he had failed and messed up. Maybe he was so downhearted that the other disciples didn’t want to let him go fishing alone.

And so, Jesus came to them. Jesus didn’t wait for them to get their act together. He just showed up without judgment, without anger, without saying: “I knew you’d go back to fishing!” Jesus met them right where they were, right in the middle of their failure, their discouragement, their lame attempts at going back to fishing.

And after breakfast, all Jesus wants to know is if Peter loves him. Jesus asks three times–the same number of times Peter denied him. The three-fold affirmation of love expels the lingering doubt of betrayal and Jesus commissions Peter to do His work.

This is the only way I can mother without fear. I am going to fail and probably miserably. There will be times when it seems all is lost. God’s silence will sometimes make me think He’s dead.

Jesus understands. He doesn’t expect me to be anything other than what I am: human. Jesus won’t show up and scold me. He’ll call out to me in the middle of my futile fishing. He’ll watch me thrash toward shore, smiling at my wild abandonment. He’ll feed me breakfast.

And then He’ll ask me if I love Him.

If I have love, then I have everything. And if I have His love, then I have nothing to fear.

*Amen*

The Yellow Handkerchief

we finally watched this a few weeks ago - it was absolutely beautiful. Do yourself a favor and watch it.

since last week's report of Osama Bin Laden's death, i have wondered how i should react/feel as a Christian. today i read an article that explores that topic and i really appreciated it. please read this article.

a must-read

my friend susie is working at an orphanage (i think) in Africa, and she recently posted this story, which really got to me, and i wanted to share it with y'all.

Little Hands

I walk casually into the dining room as the kids are finishing up their

supper. I haven’t said a word, but the perky flowers and sunshine of

the ‘special bag’ on my shoulder have spoken volumes. I’m

immediately swarmed and surrounded as all the kids start speaking at

once-

“Oh!! Are we baking Aunty?”
“Aunty Susie isn’t it the girls are baking today?”
“What are we baking? It’s the boys turn right??”
“But the girls baked last time, how aunty….”
“Angege aunty, It’s not fair!”
“Mmmmm I’m hghallaring, what are you baking Aunty?”
“Can I carry your bag?”

After I deliver the news of whose turn it really is, we hear the groans of

those who are so misfortunate as to have to wait till next week, and the

victorious shouts from those who had to wait outside the kitchen last

week. So our little flock moves to take over the kitchen. I take a deep

breath, preparing for the chaos that is sure to follow, grinning in spite of

it all. Meanwhile the while the dialogue continues-

“What are we baking Aunty Susie?”
“Can I mix the eggs?”
“But my chair was here first!”
“Can we have sugar???”
“She licked the spoon Aunty!!”
“Aunty I haven’t had a turn yet…”
“Can I clean (and by that, they mean lick of course) that spoon?”
“Can I have my turn, I’m mixing that right?”
“Do we get to eat them now, don’t say tomorrow after school!”
“Where is the chocolate pieces aunty, can we have some?”
“This is going to be good…”
“Aunty I’m going to sit here and watch them till they are finished baking!”
“Haibo Aunty- the boys are coming in! Not fair!” “Ngiphusa amansi!” so I

step in to mediate, “ok young man, drink your water, then shesha hamba,

go play ok?”
“Mmmmm kumnandi kakhulu Aunty…”
“It’s toooo nice!”

And so it goes. After an hour I’m exhausted from having 10 rambunctious

sweeties squirming underfoot, from the noise, the heat in the kitchen

(since it obviously has to be kept closed to keep the other kids out :) and

from keeping the peace. I’ve guided little hands, laughed a lot, reshaped

cookies, chatted, cleaned, gave directions, and hopefully encouraged little

hearts. And generally speaking, we have a blast. I’ve always loved baking,

and now being able to bake with kids, for some of them this being a brand

new experience, it adds a whole new excitement. The cookies may come

out lopsided, the icing not quite right, the cake a little overdone, but the

results and smiles are worth a million bucks every time.

The other day a thought occurred to me. When I bake, I let the kids help

me, but why? To make my life easier?? Umm… no. It would be more

efficient, less stressful, and less messy if I just went and made the cookies

on my own. But those little hands are so eager to learn, to experience, and

feel useful and valued that I delight in giving them opportunities and also

just letting them know that they are loved.
Now if we who are earthly desire to do good things with our children, how

much more isn’t it that way with our heavenly Father?

God has the power to give life. He created from nothing. He’s the king of

the universe! Wouldn’t He be so much better off if He just spoke world

peace into being, spoke rebuilding into areas of disaster, or spoke instant

healing into every wounded heart? Perhaps- if He wanted robots. If He

didn’t love us. If He wasn’t willing to sacrifice His convenience to allow us

to ‘help’ Him. He uses our little hands even tho we often cause more

damage than already exists. He longs to guide us, to lead by example, and

give constant direction and affirmation- if we’re willing to listen. He does

all this because He loves us.

So I’ve realized God doesn’t need me to serve Him. He’d be better off

doing things Himself than using me in my weakness. But He loves me so

enormously that He desires for me to come near Him, to learn from Him,

and find my value in Him. And so I shall.

Here I am Lord. Take my little hands.

movies and being sick

do NOT watch "the six wives of henry lefay". i spent the last half hour or so just waaaiting for it to be over. now, i wasn't expecting it to be anything special, but i did expect to be entertained, which i was not.

however, we also watched "it's kind of a funny story" which is about a boy (which is the name of a different movie) who is depressed and thinking about jumping off a bridge, but decides to check himself into a mental hospital instead. the movie follows the 5 (or was it 7?) days that he's a 'patient'. it's not exciting, but it's interesting and definitely has moments. i think that if you have watched and liked the movies i wrote about so far, that you would like this one.

in news about me, i am sick. it started with a sore throat last week, which was fine, i can deal with the scratchiness and the loss of voice, but monday night it turned into keep-you-up-all-night phlegm & mucus fest, followed by one of the worst bloody nose episodes i have ever had. i have gory details, but i already backspaced them to spare y'all. anyways, so i stayed home from work (can't even remember the last time that happened), and have mostly been sitting on the couch staring at screens and snacking, interrupted though by yet another bloody nose episode. yuck. phil is being very lovely, and is not at all phased by me with blood all over my face, and has already washed blood out of my pajamas. maybe that just sounds gross, but it sounds like love to me ♥ luckily, it is his day off today, so even though i feel like poo, we still get to spend some time together (watching the OC) AND he's painting some end tables we bought off pvonline! i'll post the before & after shots when we're all done.

well that's a little about me, until next time.

10-5-Now

something fun for your Friday afternoon:

10 years ago... It was 2001

(the pic is a little later than 2001 but it's the earliest one i could find)

1.) How old were you? 16
2.) Where did you go to school? GVC
3.) Where did you work? good ol' McDicks
4.) Where did you live? with my parents
5.) Where did you hang out? at various friends homes or my own
6.) Did you wear glasses? of course
7.) Who was your best friend? Phil thought that's why we hung out lots ;) but probably Lori
8.) Who was your crush? Phil (unbeknownst to him)
9.) How many tattoos/piercings did you have? 4 (2 in each ear)
10.) What car did you drive? my parents car, a Taurus (unless i got a ride to work, i can't remember)
11.) Had you been to a real party yet? i guess not, but we called our huge group hang-outs 'parties' didn't we?
12.) Had your heart broken? nope
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter? single but crafting plans

5 years ago... It was 2006


1.) How old were you? 21
2.) Where did you go to school? no school
3.) Where did you work? Rona (eek!)
4.) Where did you live? 8th Street in our first house
5.) Where did you hang out? at our house mostly i think
6.) Who did you hang out with most? Phil and friends
7.) Who was your best friend? Phil
8.) Who was your regular-person crush? all done with crushes :)
9.) How many tattoos did you have? zippo
10.) How many piercings did you have? 6 (3 in one ear, 2 in the other, and 1 in my nose)
11.) What car did you drive? 1989 Honda Civic
12.) Had you had your heart broken? Not really
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter? Married for 15 days ♥

Now... 2011


1.) How old are you? 26
2.) Where do you work? Wolfe Pac Consulting
3.) Where do you live? Galaxie Bay in the house we built
4.) Do you wear glasses? yes i do
5. Who do you hang out with most? parents, siblings, Lori, Autumn & Eric
6.) Do you talk to your old friends? some of them :)
7.) How many piercings do you have? 6
8.) How many tattoos? none still
9.) What kind of car do you drive? 2006 Volkswagon Jetta
10.) Has your heart been broken? Not in a romantical way
11.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter? Married for 5 years!

elvis & annabelle

phil & i watched this together, and we thought it was great! the premise sounds like it'd be a bit disturbing, but it's not, it's really touching. it's definitely a story you've never heard of before, and the characters are really likeable. it has that small-town-America feel that always makes me want to go on a road trip through the states. so far i'm 3/3 on my movie choices :D

my birthday

i turned 26 last Saturday, and phil pretty much planned an entire weekend just for me! first he drove me to work on Friday, which i figured meant either that we were going to go to Winnipeg after work, or that someone was going to come from Winnipeg and pick me up. It turned out we did go to Winnipeg, starting at Moxie's for supper (yum). We had a really nice waiter who promised not to sing at me when he brought my birthday dessert :D next we went to U-Putz for some black-light mini-golfing - and I won!! it's only fair you know. I didn't know where we were going next, and we kept driving on Pembina as if we were going home...and then he turned into the Four Points Sheraton parking lot!! he'd packed a whole suitcase so he wouldn't forget anything, and he didn't! he brought enough clothes for an entire week lol. the hotel had just recently been completely redone and it was gorgeous. and then i found out that he had the entire NEXT day planned as well! i was pretty excited. on Saturday we went to Cora's for breakfast (i had the Surprise - it's for real), and then he had planned either a day of vintage/thrift shopping, or a day of mall shopping (i had to pick 'old' or 'new'). i picked a bit of both, which was a good idea cuz i found some AWESOME boots at the Ruby Slipper vintage shop, and got really great deals at the malls cuz everything is still on sale from after Christmas. and (can you believe it) i only spent half the amount that phil said i could! that is crazy for me. he said we had to be done shopping by 6 so we could make our supper reservation. so after stopping at luke and krysten's for a bit, we headed out. except...we headed ALL the way out of Winnipeg! i didn't ask though, and once we turned South at the Rosenfeld corner i knew we were going to Bravo's in Altona :) we had originally planned to go on Thursday on our anniversary, i guess he didn't make that reservation though :P the food was really good. then we headed home, which was good cuz i was TIRED after my whirwind weekend. i am very impressed that Phil planned everything and kept it all a secret (from me even!). It was really awesome and i felt very special. happy birthday to me!

the greatest

this movie is about a family who's son is killed in a car crash, and how they deal with their grief AND the fact that his 'girlfriend' (long story) is now pregnant (!)

i thought this movie was pretty good, it had some really great moments, and was only slightly lame a few times. so far i really like carey mulligan as an actress, and i've always like susan sarandon (she plays the mom).

i give it 3 1/2 stars.

ps. is it just me, or have there been a lot of movies about babies/being pregnant out lately?