"Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other........When God's children are in need, be the one to help them out....If people persecute you because you are a Christian, don't curse them; pray that God will bless them. If they are sad, share their sorrow. Live in harmony with each other. Don't try to act important, but enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don't think you know it all! Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible."

Not many things are more convicting than that right there. I am definitely guilty of all of this stuff over the past weeks. I struggle with this: i want to be "real", and therefore i don't even want to pretend that i love people when i don't. But here's my kick in the pants: God doesn't say anywhere that it's better to show i don't like people than to pretend i love them, he wants me to really love them. BUT IT'S SO HARD. Harder still when you don't want to love people. Buuuut if I wanted the same thing God wants, i would do it anyway. Urrrrgh. *Stop! i'ts too late, i'm really frustrated* (song lyrics popped into my head)
Anyways, i just haven't really felt like a good person for awhile. I have moments when i am good, or do good things, but as a whole person, i don't think i am all that good. I don't even mean well all of the time. Wellllll this has been pretty personal. I would like to stop delving into my inner self now.