so for the last oh 4-6 weeks i've made a meal plan (for suppers) every weekend and had my shopping list ready for shopping-day-tuesday. and then this weekend my desire to do that completely vanished. i'm no longer interested in planning (or cleaning for that matter, apparently) and making meals. well i am, but i don't want to put in the effort. i want to make cookies and muffins and cupcakes. somehow i've managed to make it til thursday and i don't think phil has noticed. today is the first official cfl day, and we'll be watching football from 6-12 probably. i was thinking of just having a bunch of snacks for supper, because we'll be on the couch all evening anyways. but i hope i get back on the wagon again, it's nice to create something everyday.

yesterday autumn and i went to channel swim. i managed to make it about 24 laps (12 if you count there and back as a lap) i think, didn't really count, was more focused on breathing. she taught me a new stroke though, where you only kick your legs. i'm not sore yet, but i expect to feel it this evening.

i had a much better day yesterday, but today is back to the same old boring in which i pretty much finish my work by 8:30 and then peruse the internet for the remaining 4 hours. i have 28 minutes left to kill. in the eternal words of garfield: "AAARRRRGH!"

this picture represents how i'm feeling today.

part of the message on Sunday was "if you knew you had 3 months to live, would you do things differently?" well of course, but i hate that question. what are you supposed to do about it - quit your job? so...what happens when the money runs out? it doesn't really matter if i don't want to spend the majority of my day sitting at a desk at a job, because i can't not. sometimes life seems great, but then Monday comes and i remember that 40 waking hours out of 75 Monday-Friday are spent in a crappy office with loud airconditioning that makes it impossible to dress for the outdoors, the possibility that i will be royally cheesed off by someone at least once per day, and the attitude that your job = your life. i don't have that attitude, and i hate the fact that i spend most of my time here. it's like this every Monday and i hate going to bed because i know what comes next. i'm just really depressed about this right now.

Thursday

Yesterday Phil managed to finagle the first pair of Blue Bomber season tickets from Parkside! The seats were really great, we were right in front of both great passes by Dinwiddie and near the end zone where they got their touchdown! too bad it was an exhibition game. (they won 19-16 against Montreal) it was a really great evening, and it was nice to sit in a section where people care more about the game than the beer (okay may only a little more, but it's better than the endzone!). thanks for the date babe!

disgusting

This pin was being sold at the Republican state convention in Texas this past weekend. Wow.

I will be successful
I won't always wash cutlery in the dishwasher
I think a LOT
I should pray
I could go to Israel next year
I would be a housewife
I didn't write "sex" on the shower window
I look better than i did before
I hear rain, thank God
I hurt when you hurt
I hope phil can bike next summer
I love phil
I hate money
I fear tragedy
I crave dessert
I don't like hummus
I need to feel loved
I feel sticky
I regret saying dumb things
I care what other people think
I am short
I listen to whatever people want to tell me
I hide my diary
I sing when i bake
I write how i think
I play piano
I miss my dorm room at CBC
I learn when i trust the teacher
I'll always love you
I say whats on my mind
I don't think many people understand me
I love weekends
I worry that something bad will happen to phil
I can't stand country music
I lost a lot of rings when i was younger
I dance verrrrrrrry rarely
I believe in Jesus
I know I am wierd
I fell in love again this year
I always pretend i'm in a movie
I wish I was taller
I cry at sad commercials
I want you to show you care
I have it all under control