so i haven't even decided if i'm going to write what i'm thinking about, because i'm not sure anyone (besides phil) even knows this about me, and i'll come off as insane and also wierd. but you are all my friends, so here goes. basically, i've now contacted a bunch of dieticians that take mental health into consideration when they do consultations, because i'm pretty sure i'm developing an unhealthy relationship with food. just a little example: mostly i don't eat junk food/desserts in front of people, because then they won't know i've eaten it (kind of like the "if a tree falls in a forest" thing). Don't worry, it's not like i'm not eating, belive me, i'm eating. Annnd i was invited to go to dairy queen for lunch on wednesday and it was this huge big dilemma for me, and afterwards i went online to find the nutritional "value" in the food i'd eaten, and i pretty much freaked out. ask phil, i was yelling. it's not like i'm obsessive about it (yet), i just want to fix it before i get there. it's probably not even that big of a deal, i just think about it waaaay more than i should. but either way, i'm not happy with my state of mind. I'm tryingtryingtrying to eat healthily, and for meals, i sure do. It's the snacks, the donuts we have at work every friday, not too mention whatever Agatha brings during the week, the cheesecake our work neighbors brought over yesterday, the baked stuff phil's mom always has at their house when we go over. And you know, i don't have to go to the lunchroom at work, but it's like, if i know it's there, it calls out to me and all common sense goes out the window, until i go eat it, if nothing else, to get it out of my head. I just went and had 1/2 a piece of cheesecake, but i know there's one piece left...good thing i go to the gym. basically it takes care of all the extras i'm eating. but that's the frustrating thing, because if i wasn't eating all that, i might've lost the 1 or 2 pounds i was looking to lose this month. color me frustrated.